Sometimes shit happens. When you are an equestrian, you know there’s always a risk – for you and for your horse.

I knew that. I know that. And still, I didn’t see this SHIT coming.

Talo fell on me while I was hand-walking him, after a ride. He got tangled in a hose, panicked and tried to get away. I tried to help him, fell and he fell on top of me. I hate thinking about it. These were moments of pure horror, which resulted in a broken ankle and several pelvic fractures.

That was almost 3 weeks ago. I was in the hospital for 10 days. Got surgery and a cast on my ankle, and it was decided that the pelvic fractures will be conservatively treated – by just staying of my feet for about 2 months.

Talo is fine, thankfully, but my life feels upside down at the moment. I didn’t see him since the accident. He is in a new stable, and I pay someone to care for him and ride him. I feel wretched about it. I know no one else will take care of him as well as I would. And it’s going to be a long time still until I can even SEE him again. Riding is still ways off, really. I just want to walk again, for starters.

I am very frustrated. I use a walker to waddle around the house, and other than a hospital visit today (got my cast removed and had it replaced with an aircast boot), I didn’t leave the house. Ain’t my house, either, because I can’t climb the stairs all the way to my apartment. So, I’m staying at my Dad’s. Can’t go anywhere by myself. I hate this shit. I hate being dependent on other people, even if it’s family. I hate not riding, and the fact I don’t even know when will I be able to ride again.

I am pissed and I am sad. Most of all – I am impatient. That’s me, the impatient healer. I just want to get on with my life, but it’s not gonna happen any time soon. Shit. It’s all just shit.